Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize