Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
