New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
