She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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