woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He felt like a one man threesome
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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