just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
