just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
