Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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