we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
