I cockslap morals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
