I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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