There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
