Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
