Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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