Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
