i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Alive.
So much puke
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
