im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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