So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize