Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
