just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my being single is dangerous.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So much Jack, so little girl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
