I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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