I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
