You smell like stripper and shame
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
