Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
