i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
