I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
