i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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