I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize