Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
