i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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