Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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