I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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