We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
