A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
