We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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