Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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