I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
