I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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