I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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