can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
