We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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