you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize