bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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