naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
