just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
