if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
