I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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