your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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