Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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