My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
