I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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