The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
