You made me cry and you don't even care
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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