...so i touched it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
