I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
