You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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