All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
