no, he came in my armpit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
