If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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