he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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