how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize