he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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