"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
