Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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