ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
