I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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