wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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