I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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