You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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