I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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