...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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