do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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