im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
