I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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