im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He has the fingertips of a God
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
