Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
