When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
