My nipple is on Facebook.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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