Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
