why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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