just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
