i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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