Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
